An Internal Shift

As part of my recovery I have been attending Al Anon meetings. My mother started her path to alcoholism 10 years ago. My husband also comes from an addict ridden family and he has been a great source of support. But because he understood  my family dynamic and was equally guilty of not facing his issues face on, I had plenty room to ignore my issues that rooted from an alcoholic family.

Al Anon has been a huge resource, but I am only just beginning. Today’s talk was about assessing what you really need to take responsibility for and what you can pass along. The ability to ask for help, which I am terrible at. I made a small revelation that I wanted to share. For years I ignored my problems and never even considered addressing them. In doing so, I obsessed over small details that surrounded me. Now I find myself at a point where I know I need to make a decision. I am obsessing over the outcome so much that I have lost interest in the details, any details. Nothing else matters. I am giving up control because now I wish I didn’t have the power that lies within me to decide. Will I stay or will I leave? I know that I need help, but I don’t even know what to ask for.

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