I decided to give COSA a visit today – a 12 step meeting for co-dependents of sex addicts. When the initial shock of finding out my husband had been arrested wore off, I scoured the Internet for resources on sex addiction. I was absolutely amazed that no one was maintaining an up to date blog on being married to a sex addict. In fact there are very few blogs maintained by sex addicts themselves.
I had a bit of a glimpse on why this may be in tonight’s COSA meeting. I was the youngest person by at least 20 years. Rather than feeling like I could be a part of something I grew scared by a glimpse into my future. Why I am the youngest? Probably because anyone at my age dealing with a sex addicted partner would leave without even a question. I found myself disgusted by the idea that I could be 50 and attending support groups to deal with my husbands addiction. I want to see myself getting over the hump and coming out on the other side. Perhaps the hump has no peak and there is no other side. I don’t think I can commit to this life if I find that to be the truth.
Even further discouraging was the realization that even in such a specialized 12 step group, no one could relate to the legal repercussions that my husband is facing and the inevitable ways in which it will change our lives. I can continue to alter my life to open the door for recovery, but the adjustments our life will require to live within the legal confines feel incredibly unmanageable.
Where are all of the people whose spouses have been arrested as a result of their sex addiction? Is anybody out there?