I am feeling depressed today – could not pull myself out of bed. These lows are a byproduct and having days that seem somewhat normal with my husband. Yesterday was our first weekend day together in several months. After losing his job, he was able to secure work at a breakfast place but his hours are early mornings and both weekend days. I have teetered back and forth on feeling guilty asking him to try to get weekend shifts covered – we are no longer sharing money and I know those shifts are the most lucrative. He suggested he take yesterday off – we both needed one of those days that felt normal.
I had been feeling discouraged about a life in Colorado without my outdoor sport companion and we had planned to take the day and do some snow shoeing. I went to my Al Anon meeting in the morning and when I came home we just wanted to be with one another, as though it were any other day from 6 months ago. We got some brunch, did the NY Times crossword, took the dog on a walk, ran a few errands, cleaned up the house, made a delicious dinner and settled in with a movie and some reading.
I kept joking that life would be perfect if we could hunker down in our house, getting rid of all of the external sources from the world. Something that is simply impossible and ridiculously unhealthy in practice. But this morning, that is what I am yearning for. I want him to be back at home with me, drinking coffee and enjoying the long weekend with me and our pooch.
Today’s list of things I had scheduled seems overwhelming to battle and I am feeling behind. Looking at the week feels even ore daunting. One day at a time or at least that is what they say.